Over the years since my multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis, I've received offers of help to walk, open a door, stand after a fall, maneuver a walker, fill a plate in the buffet line — you name it. Most often, I’m grateful. If a passerby notices I could use a hand, I probably could — but there are exceptions.

Sometimes, I wish I had a sandwich board or a T-shirt that told people how to help me. I know I sound ridiculous and ungrateful, but help can quickly get awkward if the helper doesn’t work with the helpee. So here is my take on how best to help.

First, strangers should ideally make smiling eye contact. Don’t look away or seem pitying — just smile with your eyes (assuming you’re wearing a mask). In my before-MS life, I looked away from disabled or different people out of ignorance, thinking the avoidance was preventing the other person from feeling shame. Of course, I know that the disabled person has no reason to feel shame. I was the one to feel ashamed for looking away.

That said, on the other end of the spectrum, some people feel compelled to try to say something witty that’s groan-worthy, which I imagine they’ll regret later. I don’t really care. I respect that they’re dealing with their own sense of awkwardness.

Next, if you want to help, first ask if you may. Then request more details about how you can assist. The disabled person probably wants to be as independent as possible. If that means that they will struggle a bit, let them. The best thing a helper can do is listen to the helpee and follow the helpee’s lead. The helpee has not lost their mind — just their equilibrium or muscle control and strength.

Essentially, we are normal people with the added trait of something that may make us walk slowly or have a hard time with our arms, balance, or whichever symptoms are occurring. We love help when we need it. We appreciate the desire when we don’t.

MyMSTeam columnists discuss multiple sclerosis from a specific point of view. Columnists' articles don’t reflect the opinions of MyMSTeam staff, medical experts, partners, advertisers, or sponsors. MyMSTeam content isn't intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.